I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
OMG YOURE STRAIGHT WE HAVE TO PLAY FOOTBALL AND GO HUNTING SOMETIME
OH I HAVE A COUSIN WHO’S STRAIGHT I SHOULD INTRODUCE YOU
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IM NOT A HETEROPHOBE ONE OF MY FRIENDS IS STRAIGHT
OMG I’VE ALWAYS WANTED A STRAIGHT BEST FRIEND!
HOW DO STRAIGHT PEOPLE HAVE SEX
HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE STRAIGHT?